Day 25: Ohi'mbube...Ohi'mbube...

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, Ashwin&Danny go trekking today.

Sorry, we couldn't resist. After a not-so-fulfilling breakfast of "vegetable omelets" filled with peas, carrots, and corn, we set off for our trek into the world's oldest tropical rainforest, Taman Negara. On the 2.5 km trek to the Canopy Walk, we were schvitzing like dogs (as Danny's gramma would say). The hot and humid jungle air made us feel as if we were in the steam room at the Coral Casino (oh, how we miss it...and those amazing oreo milkshakes - Sophia, could you ship us a couple?). Danny lived up to his nickname "Sweaty Danny", as he literally wrang out his shirt more than once, and we might as well start calling Ashwin "Sweaty Ashwin" as well. We took Janets advice and drank over 8 liters of water throughout the day.

The sheer density of the rainforest was astonishing, and the sounds of birds, insects, and other animals were like an ill orchestrated symphony that was somehow music to our ears. Have you ever heard ants chewing? When there are thousands of them at your feet, deconstructing a pile of fallen fruit, you can actually hear them pinching the food. The canopy was equally breathtaking, and consisted of a series of 5 creaky wooden suspension bridges spanning 500 meters, hung 40 meters in the air. It was rather frightening as we put one foot in front of the other on a 6 inch wide wooden plank, holding on to the thin ropes on either side for dear life. The trick was not looking down to the forest floor over 120 feet below us.

We spent the rest of the day hiking to scenic viewpoints and finally to a cave. In line with our housing decision from the night prior, we refused to pay for the guided tour of the cave. After walking for 2 hours to reach the cave, we realized that neither of us had flashlights, which would have been provided with the tour. We didn't let this stop us. We proceeded slowly into the cave, relying on the dialating of our pupils to let us see in the dark (Michael, just so you know, Danny just suggested that we write "the expansion of our retinas" - this coming from an eye doctors son, what a shame). About 40 meters in, as everything was getting very dark and equally damp, we smelled something strange. Putting our college educations to use, we used the focusing lights on our cameras to discover that the roof of the cave was totally filled with bats. Ashwin shreaked in horror. Danny proceeded to call him a little girl, but when the bats started flying within inches of our heads, we were both screaming like little girls. We snapped a few photos and hightailed it out of there.

At dinner tonight we met a few students from Occidental, and it turns out one of the girls actually lived in Margot Seigle's (Danny's favorite female cousin on his dad's side, for those who don't know) room for a time. What a small world.

We are about to catch the night train to Singapore. Ciao.

Day 24: Jungle Fever

We began a long day of travels with a 3 hour bus ride from KL to Jeratut, the departure point for the Taman Nagara jungle. When signing up for the boat ride into the park, an Indian lady asked Ashwin if he was Indian ("Yes, my dad is"), if he spoke Tamil ("No"), and soon after asked if we were brothers. We should start counting the number of times this happens to us - it's almost becoming a daily occurrence.

The 3 hour boat ride up the river and into the heart of the jungle reminded us of a scene from Rambo (to be honest, neither of us have seen the movie but this is what the guidebook told us). The boat was a 25 foot long, 4 foot wide shamble of wood with a tin roof and a 15 horsepower outboard motor. As we took in the beautiful sights and sounds of the extremely dense jungle surrounding us, we watched as water slowly trickled into the boat through the innumerable cracks in the hull. It was miracle we even made it all the way.

When searching for a hostel in the tiny village across the river from the main jungle entrance, we were given the option of staying in an empty, well maintained 8 person dormitory for $8/night or a small and dingy 4 person dorm with 2 British girls already moved in for $6/night. Solely for economical reasons, we chose the latter option.

After dinner, we crammed into the back of a pickup truck with 12 other people for a night safari tour. Luckily, there was space on the roof of the cab next to the guide (who used an extremely powerful flashlight plugged into the car battery to freeze animals in place) so we sat up top for the rest of the trip. Not even 5 minutes in, the driver slammed on the brakes (we were clutching the luggage rack for dear life) and the guide pointed his light towards the road. In front of us was a 5 meter long boa constrictor crossing the path! Throughout the rest of the night, we saw several brightly colored tropical birds, a few gigantic toads, and a handful of strange looking monkey creatures. We even got to hold a tiny 6 inch snake. The first snake was basically impossible to miss, but each animal after it was completely hidden in the jungle flora. Our guide had the eyes of a hawk and was able to spot a fist-sized bird hidden behind a leaf more than 20 meters away - it was truly impressive.

We went to bed without showering, as we figured the attempt at cleanliness was futile living in a jungle. That now makes 4 days without showering (so you don't think we are completely unhygienic, we had refused to shower in KL because the showers were carpeted and we didn't have shower sandals - gross).

Day 23: Petronas Oil & Gas - Mother Theresa of the corporate world

First, we'd like to give a shout out to Janet, who's celebrating the 30th anniversary of her 21st birthday today. Have a great one!

When our alarm went off at 7:30 am, we were still exhausted because we hadn't initially realized that KL is an hour ahead of Thailand. We reset the alarm for 8, knowing that we had to get up early to get to the Petronas Towers before 10 (when we were told the tickets would be all gone for the day). Danny mistakenly reset the alarm for 8 pm, and we didn't wake up until 9:30. Our trouble getting up is mostly due to the fact that our room is similar to a dungeon - no windows, no a/c, and totally bare bones. It could also be due to the fact that the previous occupant must have been a descendant of Bob Marley - we practically got high just walking into the place. We sincerely hope they don't suspect us after we move out, as drugs are punishable by death (they made this point very clear on our immigration form).

We threw on clothes, brushed our teeth (don't worry, our forearms were able to squeeze the toothpaste so we won't be coming home looking like all the British people we've met), and rushed to the towers, making it there right at 10. We secured some of the last tickets available - for the 6:15 slot. As is common with all skyscrapers in this part of the world, there is a gigantic shopping center in the bottom 6 floors. We kept on wondering why anyone would buy something from a Louis Vuitton store for so much money when you can get the exact same thing at our local market for a fraction of the cost - some people do crazy things.

We spent the day walking through KL, our first stop being the National Museum. We were both surprised and impressed when they began the history of this area with the Permian Period (300 million years ago when the land masses on Earth were still coalesced into Pangaea) - these people are incredibly thorough. The museum proceeds to trace the area's history up to the modern day in just 4 galleries (very concise as well).

Our next stop was the Planetarium, which was actually closed except for a few galleries - galleries that basically documented the history of NASA. We were particularly fond of the anti-gravity room. Next, we hit up the National Mosque, where we donned purple robes to cover our ludicrously scandalous clothing that bared our shins and forearms - gasp! After asking a man for directions to the KL Tower (the KL equivalent of the Seattle Space Needle, complete with revolving restaurant), he proceeded to offer us a special of herbal tea made from a indigenous tree root. He was a good salesman. The flier he presented us claimed that the tea would increase our muscle mass, sharpen our intellect, rid us of disease (everything from heart disease to cancer), and even increase our sex drive - we couldn't say no. Within 5 minutes of drinking the one ounce serving, we felt completely revived and full of energy. Either there was cocaine in this tea or the placebo effect is really strong in the two of us.

The Petronas (accent on the "e", apparently) Towers were amazing. Before accessing the skybridge, we were ushered into a mini theater to watch a 3-D movie. We assumed the video would be a pseudo-technical presentation explaining the engineering triumphs of the building. For 10 minutes, we watched a very well produced advertisement for the Petronas Oil and Gas company. Apparently, they are a company totally committed to the betterment of the world environment and their local communities. They boast their 100% safe drilling practices and are incapable of doing harm. They even provide free vision tests for children! What a great company. The skybridge 41 floors above ground, which actually serves as an evacuation route from one tower to the other, provided us with great views of the city just as the sun was setting.

We set out to Little India for dinner (with a newfound friend Dan, from Iowa, who thought Ashwin looked like a darker version of Emile Hirsch from Into the Wild) and happened upon an incredibly authentic (according to Ashwin) Indian restaurant. After dinner we had a beer at the Reggae Bar down the street, which made us feel at home as it smelled much like our hostel room.

FYI, we are leaving early tomorrow (we hope to actually wake up on time) for the Taman Negara jungle - the oldest tropical rainforest in the world at 130 million years old - so we probably won't be in touch for a few days, but we promise to have some great stories upon our return.

Day 22: The land of Italian designers

After our 2 hour flight from Krabi, we arrived in Kaula Lumpur, Malaysia. We quickly realized our current reading material is not well suited to the area, as Danny's book is called "God is Not Great" (with the most recent chapter entitled "Why Islam is flawed"), and Ashwin's book is mockingly designed to look like the Holy Bible (complete with leather cover, gold fringed pages,. and a red ribbon placeholder).

While buying tickets for the bus into town, the exceedingly nice salesman asked us where we are from. Ashwin told him California, to which he responded, "Really? You look Malaysian. You could be Malaysian." Due to the heavy Indian cultural influence of the area, Ashwin assumed the salesman was just talking about him. "You mean him too?" Ashwin asked, pointing at Danny. He replied with, "Yes, yes. Him and you. You both look Malaysian." Never in our lives have we been mistaken for so many different cultural identities. A taxi driver in the city even called us cowboys as he tried to make the sale. This was a bit more warranted given the usual Tilly hats we were sporting.

We spent the evening walking through the Chinatown marketplace a block away from our hostel. We walked all 5 blocks of the outdoor bazaar but could have easily walked the first 20 feet and had the exact same experience. There are 4 types of stores in this place - those selling fake designer purses, belts, shoes, or watches - and they repeat for 5 long blocks. If we had one ringgit (the Malay equivalent of 0.3 USD) for every time we saw a fake Louis Vuitton product, we would be upgrading to the Hilton down the street. Janet, Danny would like to know what you want for your birthday tomorrow, and be specific, because they have just about everything you could imagine here. It's like 5th Ave with 3rd World prices (and quality). Allie, any requests?

Not knowing what else to do with our evening hours, we got a bucket of Tiger Beers (it's what everyone else was doing, so why not?) and sat in a street-side restaurant for 3 hours, fascinated by the peoplewatching. This is a truly multicultural city. Even America is represented (albeit not very well) - while we were sitting there, two groups of traveling musicians played the Eagles' Hotel California four times. Slightly drunk, we came back to our hostel and watched an absolutely terrible Schwarzenegger film in the common area. Time for bed.

Day 21: "You've done this before, right? Climb on!"

Excited to go rock climbing today in the famous Railay Bay, we woke up at 7 am. Not being able to get cash out on Sundays because of our ATM situation, we used the remainder of our cash to buy food at 7 Eleven to get us through breakfast and lunch before we would be within range of a bank. With less than 1 USD left to our names, we had bought a loaf of bread, tuna, and some juice. This tuna was no ordinary tuna. It was labeled "Tuna in Mayonnaise" and they were not joking. It was literally mayonnaise soup with the occasional chunk of tuna. So, at 7 am, we popped open a can and ate the most disgusting tuna sandwiches we have ever had. But since we were slumdogging it (vocab courtesy of Emma's cousin, yeah you know the one), we had no other option, and we washed it down with the juice.

While King Climbers claimed to provide insurance as part of the climbing package, we were simply given equipment from a little shack and were led to the giant limestone cliff faces that sprung directly out of the ocean that make Railay famous. We immediately began belaying each other - no training, no instructions, no supervision. This is Thailand. Liability insurance is a way to sell tour packages, not an actual policy. We were professionals in no time. By the end we were scaling the cliffs that the Coloradan, who went to the rock climbing gym 3 times a week, was struggling with. Don't worry May, no need to get out the insurance card or phone the Thai embassy. We came out with only a few scrapes and bruises. The views from the top of the 60 meter cliffs were breathtaking, as was the climb up. Literally, after 3 climbs up to the top, each time belaying each other, we were nearly collapsing on the beach. Noticing our exhaustion, a German man consoled us by saying he was unable to squeeze toothpaste out of a tube after the first time he went climbing. Great - there goes our personal hygiene.

After our return we took another epic nap, and were awoken by a cheery Daisy, pounding on our door to see if we wanted to "grab some grub". Her British vernacular is always intriguing. After dinner we watched a beautiful sunset on the beach and then Daisy dragged us shopping. We found absolutely ridiculuos brightly colored Prada and Burberry boxer briefs for a few dollars, which were too tempting for us to pass up. Daisy told us that wearing them would be a "dumpable offense". A few minutes later, we all had a pair in hand. Model shots to be posted ASAP.

Day 20: Land Ho

Sadly, our island adventures had to come to an end, and we departed for the mainland. On the boat, after getting too much sun on the sun deck, we went inside and sat down in the few empty seats next to a girl sleeping across three chairs. She woke up shortly before docking, and became one of the friendliest people we've met so far (it turns out she's been travelling solo for 6 months - we'd be desparate for friends too). Her name is Daisy and we shared a taxi into Ao Nang and found a hostel together. While working out the room logistics, she even suggested we share a tiny bungalow to save money, but there were no extra beds and there was no way we were all going to fit in a single double bed (the two of us have enough trouble sharing one, but after 20 days we're finally used to it).

Before our arrival we were absolutely determined to go sea kayaking in the bays around Ao Nang, but after lunch a wave of exhaustion hit us like the Asian tsunami of 2004. We were done for. We napped for the next 4 hours.

Day 19: R&R

Playing with fire the night before left us worn out physically and mentally (it definitely wasn't the cheap liquor we drank by the bucket), so we slept in until noon. At lunch, we were told about a scenic viewpoint at the top of the island, so we made the trek up the mountain, and were rewarded by a view second to none. Our guidebook was right when it told us this was one of the top 10 most beautiful places on Earth. A thin sandbar connects the two parts of the island, with ocean waves coming in to both beautiful auqumarine bays. It was so pleasant that we spent the next 4 hours reading and taking in the views on the observation rocks. It was a great way to spend the afternoon and the perfect place to watch the sunset.

Our tans have hit a new high. At dinner, the waitress/cook turned to Danny and asked, "Are you Muslim?" After making her repeat herself at least three times, we finally realized she was serious and were rather surprised. Danny laughed and respectfully told her he was not. As she was Muslim, we think she may have been loking for a prospective husband. Minutes later, a group of men came in to the restaurant and sat at the table next to us. One of the men turned to Ashwin and asked, "Are you Muslim?" and pointing to his own beard said "You're face looks Muslim." Twice in 5 minutes. We were surprised.

Not wanting to miss out on the incredible island nightlife, we got our usual liter beers from 7 Eleven (which they actually offered to open for us in the store), and headed to "Reggae Bar" which is outfitted with a Thai boxing ring. As we walked in the door, we saw 2 tourists going at it (yes, all you have to do is volunteer to step in the ring), and within 2 minutes one of the men was knocked out cold with an impressive kick to the side of the head. This was serious stuff. Despite our limited decision making capacities at the time, we were luckily smart enough to know not to get anywhere close to the ring - fire jumping is as far as we go.

After claiming our free Thai whiskey buckets from "Tiger Bar" (not quite as authentic as the June Lake version), we headed back to the fire-show beach bars and sat down with a group of Irish girls. Midway through our conversations, one of the girls asked Danny what the American stereotype of Irish people is. He replied tentatively by saying that the joke is that all Irish people do is drink beer. At this, the girl became flustered and replied with, "You know what we think of Americans. You're all dumb." She then proceeded to give Danny an intelligence test by asking what the closest city is to Dublin, to which he responded "I'm an American, the only city I know in Ireland is Dublin." It was a trick question, as the closest city is, in fact, Liverpoo, England. Danny redeemed himself by knowing the capital of Germany. Luckily the two of us are comfortable with our intellects, but she and her friends sure lived up to our stereotype as they downed bucket after bucket. Later in the night, we met a few Israeli girls that refused to believe Danny was Jewish and said he looked more like a Muslim. Go figure.

We ended the night with spring rolls and the most amazing shish kabobs we have ever eaten - all for 50 cents. We love Thailand.

Day 18: If you play with fire... prepare to get burned

With another beautiful sunny day in paradise, we walked over the hill to Long Beach to relax for the day. We had bough ferry tickets to go to Krabi for that afternoon, but as we walked down the beach, 2 American (can you believe we met more Americans? we were surprised) girls from California asked us to take their photo, and we ended up changing our plans and hanging out with them for the rest of the day. After they suggested we check out the nightlife in the main town on the island, we decided to switch hostels and moved into town. Given that we are strapped for cash, we found a hostel for 6 USD/night, freeing up plenty of money for liquor. We sure have our priorities straight.

The nightlife here is second to none, and would never be possible in America due the large liabilities. They sell mixed drinks by the bucket, which include a cupful of hard alcohol with your choice of coke, sprite, or redbull (which is extremely strong here, another thing which isn't allowed in America). We followed the hoards of people to the clubs, which are literally on the beach, and took part in the festivities.

They are famous here for their fire shows, which begin with a display of twirling fireballs, and quickly progress into extremely dangerous interactive drunken debauchery. We actually discovered a long repressed skill - synchronized fire jump roping. They tie rags together and soak them in buckets of kerosene, light the huge rope on fire, spin it between two locals standing on tables on the beach, and challenge anyone in the crowd to take them on. Knowing us (each a few buckets deep), we were the first to volunteer. Our skills were impressive individually, but then we had the great (albeit drunken) idea to do it together, which had not yet been attempted. Let's just say, we could probably join the circus. The crowd loved us, and we were awarded 2 free beers (probably the last thing we needed) for our ability to entertain the crowd.

When we first jumped in, they spun the burning rope at a reasonable pace, allowing us plenty of time to avoid being hit by the rope engulfed in flames. But, to keep things exciting and give us a challenge, they began spinning the rope faster and faster. As they were perched on tables, the faster the rope spun, the tighter the circle got, and it eventually tripped Ashwin. As he hit the sand, the rope came down and landed right on his arm, singing off all his arm hair, and leaving the permeating smell of burnt flesh - a battle wound to be proud of. Let it be known that this did not stop us. Not in the slightest. We attempted the burning jump rope at least a half a dozen more times, and Danny now has matching burns on his shins. We don't know why no one else wanted to try it. We've honestly never had so much fun.

Day 17: Giant insects free of charge

We had breakfast with two Americans (yes, we finally found some) who suggested that we take the snorkelling tour provided by the family at Ao Poh. We were warned not to expect too much from the snorkelling, but that the sites were well worth it. For the next 4 hours, we toured Phi Phi Ley (small) and Phi Phi Don (large), saw the beach where the movie "The Beach" was filmed, and swam and snorkelled in many remote bays. Unfortunately, a mixture of tsunami damage and excessive tourism has destroyed much of the surface coral - there were more coke bottles than live coral in some areas. Luckily, we here they are making an effort towards more friendly environmental practices. We fear their efforts may be too little, too late.

Midway way through the tour, we stopped at a cliff diving spot, and we watched the driver's 10 year old sun scramble up the rocks and jump right off. We both followed, but despite Danny's hairy chest, he wasn't man enough to take the plunge (Mammoth, anyone?). Ashwin jumped right in.

Upon our return to the bungalow, Ashwin moved his backpack, and shreaked when he discovered the largest spider either of us have ever seen. It was literally over 5 inches across and was so big we could see the hairs (is it really hair?) on its back. After Ashwin jumped to the other side of the room and yelled at Danny to kill it, Danny took Ashwin's shoe and after a count of 3 hit the spider far harder than necessary to ensure its death (there was goo on the bottom of Ashwin's shoe after this). Not wanting to touch the carcass, we left it sitting on the floor near the wall. The next morning, the spider was gone! We hope that it was somehow carried away by ants.

When the generator turned on, the family put on a bootleg copy of the new Terminator movie, and we watched it with the other guests, mostly Australian, one of which chain smoked behind us throughout the entire movie. After the movie, we came back to our bungalow to find a huge 3 inch long cockroach on the wall, which Danny killed, this time with Ashwin's sandle.

Day 16: Paradise Found

We boarded an early morning ferry headed to Ko Phi Phi, an island about 45 km southeast of Phuket. As we approached the island, we were amazed by the shear rock cliffs that rise out of nowhere in the middle of the ocean. Our "bible" told us that Long Beach was more secluded, and thus more beautiful, than the main drag, so we asked for cheap housing nearby. We jumped on a longtail (a jimmy-rigged wooden taxi boat with a car engine with a 15 foot driveshaft extending into the water) and ended up at Ao Poh Beach resort, the self proclaimed "Last Paradise". And it truly was. Tucked away in its own private bay, the resort consisted of a main dining hut, and about 10 tiny bungalows on stilts right up against the water. Not bad accomodations for 10 USD per night. The one catch was that it was truly no frills - no showers (only buckets of cold water collected from the rain), and electricity that only ran at night when the generator was turned on.

We spent the day getting some much needed R&R on the beach, and got a lot of reading done (yes, we are literate). With this much free time, we will soon be needing new books. Please send recommendations our way!

Day 15: Please send money

We high-tailed it out of Patong as soon as we woke up. We headed down to Kata Beach, a much more civilized and family friendly destination. We found a cheap hostel, conveniently located next door to our favorite store, 7 Eleven, and headed to the beach for the day. At the beach, the waves were huge and crawling with local surfers, and we had to jump in on the action. As the waves were too advanced for our novice surfing abilities, we rented boogie boards instead. No body seemed to acknowledge the "No Swimming, Strong Riptides" warnings posted throughout the beach. We spent the afternoon getting tossed around mercilessly by the ocean, constantly being eaten and spit out by 10 foot waves coming from all directions. Good thing we are both strong swimmers.

After dinner, we headed to an ATM, as we were getting low on cash. As usual, Ashwin went to get his card out because it's free of international withdrawal fees, but it was not in his passport holder! We traced the last use back to the Phuket airport, and realized Ashwin never got his card back from the ATM there. We weren't too worried about the situation, because Danny still had his debit card, so he stuck in the machine and we pulled out enough cash for the next few days. Luckily there was an exchange office attached to the ATM, so we broke the cash into smaller bills. Even though he felt it was completely unnecessary, Ashwin asked Danny, "You have your card, right?" Danny, with a look of desparation, responded with "Noooooo". The ATM ate his card as well! Within less than 5 minutes of realizing Ashwin had lost his card, Danny's was now lost as well. We tried asking the lady in the exchange office to help us, but she pretended to no longer speak English, and quickly flipped her "Open" sign to "Closed". We couldn't believe what was happening.

After attempting and failing to call all of the emergency Visa numbers we could find, we went to an internet cafe where an amazing nice woman called the main office of the bank we were using, and informed us that when the ATM eats your card, you don't get it back unless you're a bank member. Great, like we would be members of Ayudha Thai Bank. Now you understand the title of this post.

Luckily, Danny's dad was online, made some phone calls for us, and found out we can get cash from Danny's credit card (which he still has) if we go into a bank. And Ashwin's mom is in the process of getting a new card sent to us here in Asia. But, we still wouldn't mind if you want to send us money.

Day 14: Good boys go to heaven, bad boys go to Patong

We slept in until noon, and after our 15 hours of sleep, felt miraculously better - literally it took a miracle to save us from our desperation the night before. We are now feeling much better.

The title of this blog is available on t-shirts here and best summarizes this city on the island of Phuket. Walking the one block from our hostel to the beach, we passed by a plethora of bars filled with fat, shirtless, overly tan, elderly Australian men, drinking beers with young Thai women whose breasts are proportionately large for their body size.

Luckily, the beach was much less sleazy, and we were able to relax and recover in the bright Thai sun for the day. When two fairly attractive young white females approached us on the beach, we were pretty excited to finally meet some Americans. However, like Vegas, whenever someone attractive approaches you here, it's because they are either a club promoter or a hooker. These two happened to have been the former, trying to sell us an open bar at their club for 30 USD. In the midst of their pitch, one of the girls pointed to Danny's book and asked him, "Oh, are you a reader?", to which Danny replied, "Yes, I am literate." How typical of Sac State graduates.

While looking for a place to eat dinner, we strolled down a small side street. Danny grabbed Ashwin's shoulder and shouted, "This is the gay street!" Ashwin replied with "How do you know?" to which Danny pointed to the left, where there was a bar full of gay men, most of which were making out. We quickly turned around and powerwalked towards the mainstreet as one of the bar patrons started approaching us saying in an extremely effeminate voice, "Hey boys, want a drink, or a massaaaage?"

That night, we decided to explore the Patong nightlife - Patong makes Vegas look like an Amish parish. The streets were filled with ladyboys, old men holding hands with their Thai hookers, and even European families with small children (we seriously question their parenting skills - in America, Child Protection Services would not let this happen). Oh, by the way, we went to the club the Sac State girls tried to sell us tickets to - for free. As our moral fiber was wearing down, we retired back to the hostel early.

Day 13: We're going, going, back, back, to Thailand, Thailand

For our parents who probably don't understand this title, it is a take on a popular Biggie song from our childhood.

Danny was unable to sleep all night, as he was stricken with fever and cold sweats, but felt mildly better in the morning. After learning of Danny's hardships, Ashwin said "I hope I don't get sick, too". Too late. A few hours later, both Danny and Ashwin were hit with serious Traveller's Sickness, and nearly lost the will to live. Given the time the sickness hit us, we are rather confident that it stemmed from a gigantic 50 cent coconut that we had eaten at lunch the day before. Luckily, our flight from Siem Reap, Cambodia to Phuket, Thailand was short and uneventful, but upon arriving at the airport, we both took a turn for the worse.

Having only eaten Ritz crackers and apple juice for the last 18 hours, we both were feeling quite cranky and lethargic. We bought minibus tickets to Patong, 30 minutes south of the airport, on the recommendation of our guidebook. As the minibuses don't leave until filled with 10 passengers, we were left waiting on the sidewalk at the airport. After 10 minutes waiting and no one showing up, Danny became very irritated and began arguing with the attendant, and was promised no more than 10 minutes wait (Danny actually started timing him). Six minutes later, the man tried selling us a taxi for an extra 10 USD, and this pushed Danny over the edge. After a few more minutes of intense argument, we were escorted to a waiting taxi, at no extra charge.

We were dropped off on the main tourist drag, and quickly found "Crown Hostel", which was recommended by our guidebook (we use it like a bible). The owner showed us a reasonably priced room with an A/C unit, and we asked to see that it worked before putting money down (a practice we have become accustomed to). At this, the man became very irritated, started backing down the hallway, and shouting in broken English "I don't like question. Make me feel bad. I am owner, run good business." When we persisted, he angrily told us to "Get out, get out!" Totally weirded out, we walked across the street and found an even better room (with an A/C the manager happily demonstrated for us) and set up camp.

We thought we had felt sick in the morning, but we had no idea what was coming for us. Having been unable to eat anything all day, we were amazed by the number of trips we made to the restroom. Neither of us remember having felt this sick. Our bodies ached everywhere, we were sick to our stomachs, and our heads were relentlessly pounding in pain. Even lifting a bottle of water to our mouths was almost more effort than we could give. We loaded up on drugs and tried to go to sleep at around 8 pm. Unfortunately, our hostel is located on top of a bar that was blasting terrible music until 4 am. Unless you've been sick as a dog and been forced to listen to UB40, Lenny Kravitz, and that song that goes "I am a man from down under" over and over again, you have no clue what hell is like.

Day 12: "Same, same... but different"

We caught up on some much needed sleep, ate a hearty American style breakfast, and rented bikes for 2 USD for the day. These weren't exactly Tour de France quality bikes. They had one gear (an extremely low one) and Ashwin's chain fell off 5 minutes into the ride out to the temples. Luckily, with a little elbow grease, it was easy to get the chain back on, and we were off to see more temples.

After touring a few temples, we finally understand the meaning of this "Same, same... but different" phrase that we've seen printed on t-shirts marketed for tourists. We probably could have visited a temple from the day before and not known that we'd already seen it. All the temples are extremely similar with respect to both architecture and state of ruin. Nonetheless they are still very impressive, and we happily completed the 50 km "Grand Tour" to see all of the remaining temples (we rented the bikes at 10 am and didn't return them until 7 pm - a long day indeed).

Upon leaving one of the temples, a haggler (not barterer, Michael) child approached us to sell us cold water, as usual. Hot and low on water, we happily took her up on her offer. She spoke English surprisingly well compared to the other children we had encountered, so we sat down and chatted with her for half an hour. It turns out that she can actually sell water to tourists in 10 different languages (we got it all on video for the skeptics out there). Pointing to her cheeks, she told us to call her "Dimple", and she claimed to be 16 and in 8th grade, despite looking not a day over 12. When her Aunt asked us our ages, she laughed because her 26 year old husband looks at least 20 years older than we do. Dimple asked us if we were brothers, making for the third day in a row we have been told we look closely related. At this point, we are reaching the acceptance stage, but Danny still thinks genetic testing might be in order when we return home.

We ended our journey back at Angkor Wat, which looked completely different in the setting sun, and we took some amazing photos with Angkor Wat reflecting in the pond. Over the 9 hour day in the sun, we developed hic tans from our matching sleeveless "broski" shirts that read "Angkor Beer: My Country, My Beer" that we picked up for 1.50 USD at the market the night before. The woman selling us the shirts tried to sell Danny a pink one, saying that it looks good with white skin, to which Danny responded by comparing his arm color with hers and exclaiming "You're the whitey here," as he was several shades darker than most of the Cambodians. Many of the locals would repeat the shirt's saying, pointing emphatically at themselves and laughing, clearly indicating that it was neither our country nor our beer.

Exhausted, we ate dinner at the locals market and got an early night's sleep.

Day 11: More like a continuation of Day 10

Our LonelyPlanet guidebook described the road from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap as ''very comfortable...like a tarmac...thanks to recent upgrades''. Boy were they wrong. Our bus left at midnight, and we arrived in Siem Reap at 6 am, completely exhausted after not being able to sleep on the bumpiest bus ride of our lives. Not only was the road terrible, but Ashwin's seat squeeked with every bump, and the group of Australian women behind us kept giving off overly audible sighs of annoyance. With so much negative energy directed our way, we were kept up all night.

Upon arrival, we decided to make the most of the day and not catch up on sleep before commencing on the tour of Angkor, the 1000 year old capital of the Khmer Empire. This added the benefit of being able to see the temples without the rush of tourists akin to a busy day at Disneyland (Asia). We rented a tuk tuk driver who drove us from temple to temple for the next 9 hours, occasionaly stopping for food and coffee to keep us nurished and alert.

Angkor is absolutely stunning - an impressive feat of ancient architecture, construction, and artistry. Angkor Wat, the largest of the temples, not to mention the largest religious site ever erected, is truly an engineering marvel and a site to be seen. The man-made moat surrounding the complex puts any medieval castle's system of protection to shame. After the first few hours of peaceful, even introspective, touring through temples, the crowds began to accumulate, and the wonder and mystique dissipated with them (much like our experience with Machu Picchu last summer).

Ashwin's self-proclaimed haggeling skills inherited from his eastern roots were put to the test when we went to purchase some trinkets from one of the nearby chotchky (a word Ashwin has recently adopted from Danny's yiddish roots) tents. Ashwin quickly became emotionally attached to the product, and was immediately made incapable of any reasonable bartering skills, despite his high volume purchase. Meanwhile, Danny was asked by a bored tuk tuk driver whether the two of us had the same father because we had the same skin color (again, really?). We still find it odd why he assumed we only shared a father. Danny, adement to show off his bartering skills, cold-heartily approached a different stand and had the woman down to half of Ashwin's price in less than a minute - even without purchasing in bulk. Ashwin retains that his ''wasted money'' (as Danny calls it, which by the way was all of 3 dollars) went to a worthy cause, as these people are seriously living under tarps.

At each temple, a hoard of local children would run up to us, shoving their little trinkets in our faces, and describing, in what seemed like perfect English on the surface, why we needed what they were selling. ''You want water?'' ''We already have water.'' ''But you need more water, and my water is cold!'' Sounds like a conversation you could have with a native speaker, right? Not quite. This was the extent of their English abilities. When asked simple questions unrelated to their microbusiness, they had no idea how to respond. Even to a simple ''How are you?'' or ''What's your name?'' their faces would go blank and they would return to essentially begging us to buy their products. In fact, when we would get back into the tuk tuk to depart for the next site, their prices would plummet faster than the DOW in October '08 (''Two bracelets, one dollar.'' would literally become ''Twenty bracelets, one dollar.'') We still didn't give in.

Day 10: Phnom Phen - how can this be the capital?

At breakfast down the street from our hostel, 5 women dressed in perfectly matching blue outfits (complete with dresses, shoes, hats, scarfs, and purses), walked in to market Winston cigarettes. They were giving all the locals free cigs, and we just couldn't miss out on the fun. When they came to our table, they gave us each a smoke, lit them, smiled at us professionally, and asked if we would like to buy their promotional 2-pack with free lighter. For a single USD we couldn't refuse, and now we have 40 cigarettes, a funny story, and a souvenir.

We headed to the Genocide museum in the city, where we learned about the Khmer Rouge genocide of the 70s - something neither of us had ever learned about. We then departed on tuk tuk to the Killing Fields, 15 km outside the city, which took 45 minutes. Driving speeds in this city average about 20 km/hr, not because of congestion, but instead because of their unique culture, not to mention the limitations of their engines. Going through an intersection in this city is like a game of chicken. There are no stop signs or street lights. Instead, everyone slows to a crawl, finds a gap in traffic, and proceeds across the street. It is one of the more interesting things to witness, as if the cars are literally weaving through one another.

It's not accurate to call what we saw Killing Fields. It's more like a (singular) Killing Lawn. Not to be disrespectful, but the entire place was the size of a typical suburban American backyard. Granted, thousands were killed in the complex, but when they claimed that the ordeal was crueler than the Holocaust, we quickly lost interest. In our opinions, genocides should not compete on the basis of cruelity.

We had done virtually all there was to do in this city - even our guide book was at a lack for recommendations. So, we headed to the local market, had 50 cent bowls of extremely traditional, and extremely tasty soup, and toured the Royal Palace. Danny commented that the King of Cambodia should visit Versailles to see what a palace should really look like. Honestly, there are homes in Montecito that are more impressive. Maybe a visit to Oprah's house would help, too.

One last note. This is the 6th internet cafe that we tried before being allowed in. The previous 5, which were each no more than a quarter full of people, were reserved for World of Warcraft players only. We could not believe it. What a country - no wonder they remain third world. (sorry, Cambodia, but that is completely illogical business practice).

Day 9: Apparently we are twins

We woke up and had breakfast at our favorite street vendor. They had the most amazing Thai iced tea - a mixture of tea and sweet cream - so sweet, and so good. We hopped on a minibus to the airport, and as usual it was filled with Brits and Dutch people. Still no Americans.

The Bangkok airport is more of a shopping center than a transportation hub. It is filled with more designer stores than Michigan Ave. Our AirAsia flight was packed with people in tiny seats (that were literally acute, we were actually leaning forward). When we arrived in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, we had to buy our visas on arrival. It was complete chaos, as all foreigners hand in their passports to a handful of agents. The passports are then passed down an assembly line of Cambodians for processing, and are finally signed and handed out individually by Capt. Mean Sam, Deputy Chief of Visa Services. Luckily, with Danny's pushiness, we ended up in the front of the line, so we were able to witness the comotion light heartedly. Oh, one more thing, they don't even accept their own currency for the visas, it's that useless - USD only.

On the tuk tuk ride from the airport into the city, our driver chatted us up, tried to sell us a guided tour for the next day, and kept telling us that we were his friends. He even exclaimed, "You twins?" At which point we looked at each other and responded with a definitive "No" in unison. "Oh, just brothers? You look so much alike, same face and color!" For the fact that Ashwin is as tan as he's ever been, this comment really took us by surprise. I guess Dannyreally has seen a lot of sun this summer.

Having missed lunch due to the travels and ridiculously overpriced airport food, we each had 2 full meals for dinner, and at least 5 cups of iced green tea to top it off (we're keeping hydrated for Janet). The family running the mobile eatery set up on the street corner were taken aback by our eating abilities and must have thought we were typical Americans. To our surprise, our hostel had cable TV, which we haven't watched in 2 weeks, so we watched the Thomas Crown Affair before bed.

Day 8: Ayuthaya

Our night bus back to Bangkok broke down in the middle of nowhere after about 2 hrs, and we were left stranded on the road. We literally had to hitch a ride on another bus headed in the same direction (we were lucky, as only half a dozen of the original passengers could fit). We then caught a bus to Ayuthaya, our first UNESCO World Heritage Site, and arrived at 5 in the morning. The 3 local guesthouses were sold out, but we managed to sleep on couches in the dining area of the hostel for 3 hours. After breakfast, we rented bicycles (typical, right?) and gave ourselves a tour of the island. The city was the capital of Thailand about 700 years ago, so it's filled with ancient ruins of elaborate palace and temple complexes. In our quick day, we had to make up for America's complete lapse of history from this region by reading the free pamphlets.

We were already unimaginably sore from riding the elephants the day before, and the bikes didn't help, but the trip was well worth it.

Day 7: An elephant never forgets... and neither will we

The overnight train to Surin was horrendous. They were sold out of air-conditioned sleeper cars, so we ended up in the peasant car. Literally. We were surrounded by peasants traveling back to the countryside. The car consisted of what looked like prison beds, stacked bunk style, with only a few fans to help circulate the air. Our sleep was restless, and when we woke up sweating through our mattress we were amazed to see the locals underneath blankets. We arrived in Surin at 4 am and shared a half gallon of milk while we waited for the 6:30 "bus" to depart.


After riding in the back of a modified pick-up truck for 1.5 hours, we arrived at Tha Klan, the "Elephant Village". We wandered around for a few minutes and stumbled upon a gathering of people. A local girl - whose nickname was "Apple" - spoke English (apparently having been taught by watching Britney Spears music videos - who knew she was a teacher, too!) and invited us to join the group for breakfast. It turns out they were gathered to celebrate the death of her grandfather. It's a local tradition to offer food to guests to bring good luck to the departed.

Across the street was the elephant compound, which was established by the Thai government to keep elephant families from begging in the city streets. We wandered through, observing the over 200 elephants, and even incited the youngest baby (5 months old) to jump awkwardly over the short bamboo fence to play with us. Even at 5 months old she easily pushed us around.

We went back to the ceremony across the street and were offered lunch, which consisted of a porks head dipped in a spicy chili sauce, and papaya salad that was spicier than anything we have ever tasted. Even Danny's eyes watered. Wanting to fit in, we washed it all down with about 3 liters of beer (a few of the locals were drinking from 9am til dark). During lunch we met 2 British girls who were volunteering at the elephant center, and they showed us around the small village of Tha Klan.

Later in the afternoon, we watched the "Elephant Show", which they use to raise money to feed the animals (they eat 20 hours a day, so it can't be cheap). The elephants shot darts, threw basketballs, played soccer, spun hula hoops, and walked on top of 2 foolish volunteers from the audience.... the two of us.

Because of our friendship with the locals, they invited us to take part in the bathing of the elephants in the nearby Moon River. It was a truly remarkable and unique experience to swim and bath with elephants. We got on their backs, walked in the river, and scrubbed them down with shampoo. They seemed to enjoy the experience as much as we did. We then were allowed to ride the elephants for an hour, back to the center, through seemingly endless rice fields in all directions. There is no better way to really experience Thailand, and we made some great friends.

They invited us back into their home for a traditional pork soup and rice dish, which was extraordinary, and then drove us 45 minutes on a pot-hole filled road to the nearest bus station. Having not been allowed to pay for anything due to the nature of the day's ceremony, we forced Apple to take our 2500 Baht (about 75 USD) and told her we appreciated their overwhelming hospitality.

Who knew this all would happen after asking a man "How is the yogurt and fruit?" A truly serendipitous encounter that led to a once in a lifetime experience.

Day 6: Fate calls... we're leaving Bangkok

We woke up this morning and headed to a nearby food stand for breakfast (the entire meal cost 3 USD for both of us). Danny asked the guy sitting next to us how his fruit and yogurt was, which sparked a half hour conversation about what to do in Thailand. He's a visiting professor from New Zealand teaching sustainable business practices, and he told us we absolutely must go to Surin, in the North East of Thailand, where they have traditional elephant tribes. He spoke of his experiences there a week ago with a zen-like mystique that spurred our interest. He was able to stay with a local family, waking up to feed and care for the elephants, and even taking baths with them in the river. 15 minutes later we held in our hands two overnight train tickets to this remote village, leaving tonight.

We spent the afternoon walking around Bangkok, visiting temples, museums - our standard protocol. We even saw the city from the river, hopping on a ferry boat and walking right off without paying. This city is very touristy, with many Brits, Aussies, and Germans, and also very dirty. We're told the Americans come and just get trashed on the tropical beaches and islands.

We doubt that we'll have internet access there for the next 2 days, so, parents, do not worry if we don't post for a while. Ciao

Day 5: Recovery and Travel

Ashwin was defeated by the Asian nightlife and this morning he is seriously contemplating joining AA and never touching alcohol again (to the detriment of his family legacy).

Still drunk, we made it to the airport just in time for our flight to Bangkok. Danny refused to wait in the long line for economy check-in, and insisted on going up to the first-class desk. After being told to go to the other line, Danny said, "No, that's ok, just check us in here." And surprise surprise it worked. Typical Danny.

So far, Bangkok is great. Just as hot and humid as Taiwan, but extremely touristy. While walking through the nearby market, we were propositioned by a man asking if we wanted to get some "Sucky sucky, fucky fucky time". After denying him, he laughed at us and called us "Lady boys". This city is already growing on us. Oh, and our hostel room only costs 5 USD per night. We actually may save money by living here in Asia for 6 weeks.

Day 4: Is there anything left to do?

If you know us well, you know that we're not ones to sit around and do nothing when visiting a foreign country. But after 3 days in Taipei it just didn't seem like we had missed out on anything (maybe it's just because we were so productive our first 3 days). Nevertheless, we got up early and headed to Danshui, on the north coast of Taiwan, which had a fisherman's wharf "just like San Francisco", according to the man that sat next to Danny on the airplane. And he was right, it was like SF - there were a lot of boats, piers to walk on, everything you'd expect at a wharf - except for the people. The place was totally deserted.

We rented a tandem bicycle and rode around the area for 2 hours. We asked an Asian man to take a photo of the two of us on the tandem and after the photo he switched places with Ashwin and insisted on taking a photo with Danny. Ashwin approached an Asian girl and asked her in broken english "take photo?" while pointing to his camera. The asian girl replied with "oh you want me to take a photo of you" in perfect English. Turns out she was from Florida. Her mom then insisted she take a photo with us.

For dinner we went back to Din Tai Fung for more delicious dumplings, and lots of beer. On the way out, we were thanked and bowed to by about 14 different people. Foreigners are a rarity in Taiwan, so we stand out like sore thumbs. After dinner, we went to Luxy - the largest nightclub in Taiwan. Danny ran into some friends from Cal (as the school is mostly Asian, it made sense) and we danced the night away.

Day 3: A day of walking

We woke up today well rested, but a little sore from yesterday's activities. Having decided to enrich ourselves culturally for the day, we ate a breakfast of sushi and milk tea from the 7 Eleven down the street, and then headed to the Longshan Temple for a slighlty more authentic experience. We then went to the Fine Arts Museum, which was hosting the Arcadie travelling gallery from the Pompadou, and got our fill of Picasso, Miro, Matisse, and the like. Even though we figured that once you've seen one temple, you've seen them all, we decided to check out the Confucius Temple to complete the cultural enrichment (and we obviously didn't want to pass up the opportunities for the "Confucius say..." jokes). Nearby was DaLongDong Temple, which was much smaller than we had expected.

After walking for hours from temple to temple in 85 deg, 99% humidity weather, we decided the perfect remedy would be to go to the Beitou hot springs in the north. We tried to find the Geothermal Scenic Park, but after walking for 30 minutes we ended up in a strange neighborhood where to the right was a deserted, dilapidated building being swallowed by vines, and to the left was a palatial estate with a security gaurd, and a BMW, a Mercedes, and a Ferrari in the garage. We finally made it to the hot springs, soaking wet from the heat, and somehow still thought it was a good idea to get in 108 degree water. It sure felt good, and apparently we're more likely to have male children now.

We finished off the day by going to the "Snake" night market, where we watched a snake get skinned alive, and somehow managed to eat dinner afterwards.
When we get on a computer that's not older than we are, we'll post pictures. Stay tuned...